My mother has dementia. It’s in the early stages right now. Most days, she’s fine and lucid. She always has memory problems and issues with her logic centers, but she is able to live in the independent living facility that is her home. She can clean and dress herself, be in the dining room in time for meals, make it to her stretching classes and other onsite activities. She is quite able to take care of herself.
Most days.
Some days, she can’t. She either doesn’t sleep or wakes up early and either doesn’t remember who she is or know what she’s supposed to do or both. On those days, she somehow knows that she can text or call me. She’ll tell me she’s scare or she’s sick. She’s adamant that I come and see her, maybe even take her to the hospital. I’ve learned how to help her over the phone, calm her down, and help us both be okay with me not coming over till later that day.
I am her caretaker. I am responsible for her living conditions, her medical needs, her finances, and so much more. She does not like the burden she puts on me, but she is very grateful that I am there for her.
God seems to be using my role as my mother’s caretaker to teach me about his role as my caretaker and, perhaps more importantly, how he wants me to relate to him. My mother’s dependency on me is teaching me about my dependency on God.
For example, when she has one of her episodes as I described above, she may not know anything except that she can call me. I don’t know how she holds onto that, but thank you Jesus that she does. With that, God is reminding me that when I don’t know what is happening or what I’m supposed to do or what my role is his creation, I can always reach out to him.
In a similar way, I’m going to write out some of the dynamics that exist between my mom and me, as if I am describing them to her. When I say “you,” I am referring to her. Please read it as both me talking to her and God talking to you.
Also, please do not think that I am comparing myself to God. This parable only works if I compare myself to my mother, who happens to have dementia.
My Message to You
Your brain is not working properly. Your perception of reality is skewed. It does not match what is real. I know that it seems real to you, but trust me it is not. I can see things happening to you and around that would blow your mind. If you knew everything I and others with me were doing to care for you, you would wonder how I have time for anyone else!
Even though you do not see everything going on around you, do not worry. I am taking care of things for you. I can see more than you see. I can do more for you than you can do for yourself. I am taking care of you. I love you and I will not let anything bad happen to you.
I know it looks like bad things happen to you. They happen to everyone. When I say that I will not let anything bad happen to you, I mean anything that will truly hurt you. I am there when you are sick. I take care of you when you are hungry. I handle of all your needs so you do not have to worry. I have you in my care and I will not let you go.
When you are scared, know that you can reach out to me. I may not answer you right away. When I do answer you, it may not be the answer you want. But I will get you what you need. I am so glad you trust me to handle things for you!
I know you sometimes get upset that I do not do what you want. Usually, that is because what you want is not what you need. In fact, if I gave you what you want, it would often hurt you more than if I did nothing at all. I do not want that for you.
When you are scared, please do your best to remember that I am taking care of you. Even when you do not know who you are, I do. And I am watching over you. When you do not know what you need to do, I am already doing it. It am taking care of you.
When you are depressed and feeling hopeless or worthless, I will do my best to remind you of who you are. I will do my best to remind you of the good in you. Even when you cannot see the good in you, it is still there. Just like even when you cannot see me, I am still caring for you.
I love you more than you can understand and I will never let you go! Often, when you cannot see me, that is when I am working the hardest for you. Some of the best work I have done for you, you will never know I did it or that it even needed doing. I am here to take care of you until the day you die.